“I’ve got a bad case of the 3:00 am guilts - you know, when you lie in bed awake and replay all those things you didn’t do right? Because, as we all know, nothing solves insomnia like a nice warm glass of regret, depression and self-loathing.”
― D.D. Barant, Dying Bites

“If you had a person in your life treating you the way you treat yourself, you would have gotten rid of them a long time ago…”
― Cheri Huber, There Is Nothing Wrong with You: Going Beyond Self-Hate

“To one’s enemies: “I hate myself more than you ever could.”
― Alain de Botton

“When you loathe yourself, a true friend will respect your honesty. And if you’ve been fortunate in life, he will probably share your opinion.”
― Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

“And I saw my reflection in a lake and I waited for it to freeze a little bit so I could break it with my boot.”
― Sam Pink, I am Going to Clone Myself Then Kill the Clone and Eat It

“You don’t believe that your friend could ever do anything great. You despise yourself in secret, even – no, especially – when you stand on your dignity; and since you despise yourself, you are unable to respect your friend. You can’t bring yourself to believe that anyone you have sat at table with, or shared a house with, is capable of great achievement. That is why all great men have been solitary. It is hard to think in your company, little man. One can only think ‘about’ you, or ‘for your benefit’, not ‘with’ you, for you stifle all big, generous ideas.”
― Wilhelm Reich, Listen, Little Man!

I feel what I say. My every word, my every utterance is associated with a specific feeling that resonates within me when I speak. As of late I’ve come to realize that I bail out of a conversation too early…like a teenage boy pulling out in time for his premature ejaculation.

After much worry, hair loss and severe outbursts of stress pimples I decided it boiled down to one thing - my inability to feel. This numbness has overpowered my mind and soul, impeding both of a thirst for knowledge and intellectual conversation.

As ironic as it sounds I no longer want to feel this way but I can’t find a solution or a path out of this soul-sucking maze.

rampias

My kids are starting to notice I’m a little different from the other dads. “Why don’t you have a straight job like everyone else?” they asked me the other day.

I told them this story:
In the forest, there was a crooked tree and a straight tree. Every day, the straight tree would say to the crooked tree, “Look at me…I’m tall, and I’m straight, and I’m handsome. Look at you…you’re all crooked and bent over. No one wants to look at you.” And they grew up in that forest together. And then one day the loggers came, and they saw the crooked tree and the straight tree, and they said, “Just cut the straight trees and leave the rest.” So the loggers turned all the straight trees into lumber and toothpicks and paper. And the crooked tree is still there, growing stronger and stranger every day.

Tom Waits